The summer was far too busy and went by way too fast to suit me. I just haven't had time to blog or keep up with other people's blogs in all the busyness. Haven't taken time to exercise either and my body is feeling the effects. It took a lot of effort to downsize and move out of 419. I was still there doing finishing touches in the early morning hours of the closing date last Friday. We are slowly settling in here in Westport......all the furniture is in place and pictures are hung but there are still dozens of boxes in the garage to be sorted through and more purging necessary if we are ever going to be able to sleep in the garage again. Yes, we slept in the garage on a very comfortable airbed to make room for visiting family members in August. It worked out just great and we plan to do it again as the need arises.
Mentally, I am feeling flat and lethargic......and pretty discouraged about it. I can feel myself wanting to withdraw from people and the joy and energy are gone. Maybe I'm just exhausted or maybe I need the endorphins that exercise bring. Maybe I'm starting the downward spiral again. I'm trying to tweak the medication a little bit myself before making an appointment with the doctor......upping the antidepressant and cutting down on the Seroquel. I know I have to get on the bike again but I just don't feel like it. I need somebody to be accountable to.
I long for the hypomania to return. I miss the energy, the creativity, the joy and all the social interaction. I miss my charismatic personality and the ease with which I interact with people. I miss waking up in the early morning and having time alone with God before the rest of the world wakes up. Will I ever experience these things again? I live in hope.
I should be jumping up and down for joy because I survived a very serious car accident unscathed earlier this week. I lost control of our car on a rain slick curve and ended up upside down on somebody's lawn. I just missed a hydro pole. The car was a total write off.
I feel like a write off.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Praise God for your safety this week. Holding you up in prayer as we transition into the beauty of fall. Hold tight to the Fathers hands and seek His face during this time He will meet with you Brenda.
Oh Brenda!!! Oh. I am so stunned at the news of your accident. So glad you are o.k., so scared at what a close call you had. I can certainly understand your numbness - maybe it's related to your condition, but I think that anyone could easily resort to numbness when faced with both a major move and a near-death experience. I hope you will extend to yourself some grace and patience as your whole being works unseen below the surface at realigning itself to so many changes.
I'm so glad to hear that you're OK, Brenda. That must have been terrifying. There's no "should" when it comes to reacting to something like that. Maybe it's just the shock and fatigue of everything. I hope you will start to feel more energetic and hopeful soon.
Hey, Sis, IF it stops raining, I'll get on my bike today if you'll get on yours. If it doesn't stop raining, I promise I'll do 20 good minutes on the treadmill.
I HATE exercise, but I love the effects. It will help to know we're in this together.
And hey, welcome back. I've missed you in blogdom. That accident scared the life out of me! Beth called me at work to tell me she'd read about it on FB. Yikes. Now we've both been in cars that have flipped. Pretty exciting at the time its happening, hey?
Thanks, dear friends and sis for your encouraging comments. When I write I'm really not thinking about who might be reading this. It's kind of like a journal. Maybe I say too much????
Post a Comment