While I was washing the dishes tonight, one of Sharon, Lois and Bram's kids' songs popped into my head. It is a very accurate description of what is happening in my brain right now.
In the space of two weeks I have gone from dragging my tail in the sand like a tortoise to jack rabbiting through the forest at lightning speed. I know I have to put on the brakes somehow but all I can think of is slowly cutting back on the antidepressant until my appointment with my psychiatrist next week. I don't think he expected me to rally from the depression quite this quickly. Neither did I. Two weeks ago I could hardly handle a visit from my daughter and her two sweet girls. I wasn't answering the phone unless it was absolutely necessary or going out of the house. Today I went out for coffee in the morning with a friend for two hours and then again in the afternoon with three more friends for another two hours. I made cookies and hot chocolate for the troops in the backyard who are digging up our basement in the pouring rain. Then I went out after dinner with my husband to buy some flowers to plant in containers for the front of the house. I also made several phone calls to family and chatted at length. My husband is telling me to be quiet so he can study. I am chatty Cathy. Help!!!!!!!!!
As of yet I have not really reestablished my relationship with God. I am a lost soul......wandering.....with way too much to do because of getting the house ready to sell and no time for reflection or exercise. How does one exercise in the pouring rain or in a basement that has no carpet on the floor? I know these things will return in time........and I trust God still loves me and His eye is still on me even though I am not spending two hours with Him every morning. I just can't get up early anymore with the sleeping medication I have to take. Tomorrow is a new day. It's going to pour rain again all day. I don't plan on going anywhere or seeing anyone and hopefully the workmen won't come and the jackhammers in the backyard will be silent.
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3 comments:
((((Brenda))))
Sitting here listening with you dear one. I truly understand the longing to grow closer to God.....I am journeying down the same path. In time, in time....hard as it is!!
Blessings
Brenda,
I know that racing feeling when coming out of a low time. I actually have to crawl back to bed sometimes (where I don't want to be since I am so sick of it) just to come down. It is almost like a trigger goes off in your brain when you start to come out of depression, and instead of starting in low gear, you rev right up to fourth! I know just how you feel with both that and your relationship with God too. It will come back. He has not gone anywhere. Don't be too hard on yourself.
Wendy Love
Thanks SO much Just be Real and Wendy. Yesterday I connected with and old friend who I didn't realize suffers with Bipolar 2 and I learned so much from her. She has been to the mood disorder clinic and even recommended a certain psychiatrist that I should insist on seeing. She's doing well on Cymbalta right now and it is a drug I am interested in because I also have fibromyalgia and it's supposed to be good for that.
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